“I was terrified, but my desire to get better was far greater.”
Shane, a former member of the 5th Special Forces Group; one of the most decorated active-duty United States Army Special Forces groups. With a multitude of deployments, Shane’s time was nothing short of active. Like many, he wasn’t fully equipped or prepared for everything he saw and did while overseas.
Shane’s career path in the military was a quick trajectory from recruitment to retirement. Having witnessed the loss of teammates, balancing marital dissolvements and being a new dad, the ability to process life was hardly an option.
“I had dealt with disappointment and dependance my entire life,” recalls Shane. Remembering his first taste of beer when he was just six years old, Shane’s childhood was a myriad of drugs, alcohol and addiction on every level.
“I didn’t have a good upbringing; I was being relentlessly bullied in school, a survivor of sexual abuse and depression. The easiest path of escape turned out to be marijuana – using regularly at 13.”
By the time he reached high school, Shane was a full-blown drug addict, escaping the torment of peers and home life with the use of cocaine, pain pills and alcohol. Eventually dropping out of school in 10th grade, Shane earned his GED and worked odd jobs to maintain his habits.
When he turned 20, Shane was faced with something bigger than anything he had faced on the streets or couches where he rested – his high school sweetheart was pregnant. Realizing that he had a responsibility to build the family he never had, he walked right to the Army recruitment office and signed.
What began as a fulfilling and engaging career, a life that he had hoped for as a child, quickly turned a sharp edge. “My wife was having an affair – and she left to begin a life with him.”
The weight of the betrayal from his then-wife set Shane on a downward spiral he was all too familiar with. The comfort of numbness helping him to escape the reality of a life he never wanted to see again.
“I lived on friends couches and deployed as often as I could – I was having the best time. I felt like I was finally making a difference.”
Unaware that his detachment from life back home was only a means to escape, Shane suffered nightmares, and feelings of regret. “If I kept deploying – I wouldn’t have time to process everything else.”
In 2017, Shane medially retired from the military. “I couldn’t do it anymore. I tried so hard to push it all down, but it got to be too much.”
Motivated to begin a new life, Shane needed to find a new purpose. Optimistic to find a connection at the VA with his fellow Veterans, Shane found himself wrapped in a whirlwind of politics and easy access to pain pills – once again in the folds of comfort of a past life. Drinking endlessly, Shane returned to the life that he knew too well, “I needed pills – and I knew the best way to find them. So, I went back to the streets – they knew me there.”
Desperate to feel anything, Shane sought the attention of women outside of his new marriage and family. “I hated myself, and everything I was doing – but I couldn’t stop. I was destroying my legacy – I wanted to just build a home for THEM, and then die.”
With open bottles littering his truck during school pick up, and Styrofoam cups at sporting events, Shane’s addictions had consumed every fiber of his being. “I had broken every moral code I held close – I was so ashamed of the man I had become. I wanted to be a father and a husband so badly, and I was pissing it away with every breath I took.”
Feeling as though he had no other choice, Shane left. “I needed to be alone – away from everything I was destroying.” Every morning waking on a different couch, surrounded by the same vices, Shane fights to remember a clear moment during that time. “Have you ever gone on a beer run, in the middle of winter in Indiana, in boxers and flipflops?”
Eventually, Shane’s ex-wife, and former teammates were able to get through to him. Seeking treatment in California, at the Brain Treatment Center, and through alternative medicines, he found himself on the path back to clarity.
“What was my purpose?” A question he had asked himself countless times since childhood – Shane wanted the family he never had.
In 2020, with a new marriage and healthy roots being formed, Shane and his then-wife, adopted a child from the legal system; saving it from the life it was ultimately destined for in the prison it was born.
Quickly learning that the life of a new parents comes with triggers and stressors, an evening night cap was quickly turning around to multiple rounds of drinks. “I didn’t know it was happening – I would tell my wife, that alcohol wasn’t a problem!”
Ultimately, his drinking led to another broken marriage – leaving Shane desperate to give up on life. “I never wanted to be my dad – and when I looked in the mirror, his reflection was the only thing I saw. Every time I drank or used, I thought, “what the hell is wrong with me?” Ashamed, Shane packed up the car, left and moved into a motel where he spent his days numbing himself with alcohol and children’s toys. “I spent over $7,000 in Legos, just to occupy my headspace.”
The moment Shane truly hit past rock bottom, is a night he’ll never remember, or forget. “I was ready – I had a bottle, my GLOCK and my beret all sitting there with me. It was time.” In his state of mind, Shane didn’t realize that he had made a public post on Facebook, saying his goodbyes to everyone – for everyone to see. What was supposed to be a private departure, was now a social scramble to find and save him.
“One minute I was staring at the GLOCK on my lap, and the next I’m looking into the eyes of my mother and the team of police officers who had barged in my room. I had no idea how they found me or knew what was going on – I didn’t remember making a post.”
For hours, his mother sat with him as he came down to a coherent level. With every passing moment, Shane realized he had become the monster he was trying to run from, his entire life. Then his mother looked him in the eyes and spoke the words that broke down the walls he had built with such anger, “Your kids need you.”
On November 8, 2022, Shane entered Warriors Heart, a private treatment facility, exclusively for Warriors, providing care for addiction, chemical dependency & PTS for active military, veterans, law enforcement and first responders – understands the unique demands of our warriors, and works to successfully navigate healing and recovery while in the company of people who personally understand each experience.
“I knew that this time, I was finally ready.”
Upon entering the gates of the ranch in Bandera, TX, Shane was certain he was the worst the team had ever seen. He didn’t know how to present himself, nor what to expect. “I thought I had disgraced everyone – even before meeting them. Then Tom Spooner (Co-Founder of Warriors Heart) said to me, in a language that I could understand, ‘Place + Time + Uniform, we will take care of the rest.’
Accepting the treatment and realizing that there was so much more that was meant for him, Shane entered every treatment that was offered at Warriors Heart – from the wood shop, to MeRT, Mentoring and Landscape, he was determined to become the best version of himself. “I was the YES Man – I wanted to do it all!”
“Oftentimes, life after treatment can be the most challenging hurdle,” stated Lisa Lannon, co-founder of Warriors Heart. “Homecomings may not feel as warm or finding a purpose can prove to be more difficult than expected. So, we try to prepare our alumni with the tools to best aid them into reacclimating to a new life.”
“My biggest hurdle was that I was still hanging onto a past but looking forward to the future,” recalls Shane. I came “home” to a family that didn’t know which version of me they were getting. So, I made it my goal to prove to them, and everyone around me, that I wasn’t that man anymore.”
Shortly after his return home, Shane received a call from Josh Lannon, a co-founder at Warriors Heart, and a mentor to Shane. “They were opening a campus in Virginia, and they wanted my help.”
On September 11th, 2023, Warriors Heart Virginia opened its doors with Shane standing with open arms. “That moment, that team, truly saved my life.”
Embarking on his inner healing journey, Shane began taking hiking trips, pushing his mind and body to limits he hadn’t felt since he was first in the military. Hiking Patagonia on a solo adventure and helping organizations like K2 Adventures to hike Kilimanjaro and the Grand Canyon, Shane was finding a purpose in the mountains he called home.
Still actively working with the team at Warriors Heart, Shane felt like he had finally planted roots in a soil that felt right.
In 2024, Shane along with three other members of the Warriors Heart team, embarked on the famous Shikoku Pilgrimage, a pilgrimage traditionally completed on foot, walking approximately 1,200 kilometers (750 mi) and can take anywhere from 30 to 60 days to complete. Visiting the 88 “official” temples of the pilgrimage, there are 20 bekkaku temples, also along the route. This spiritual journey helped Shane to learn to finally let go of his idea of what a family was supposed to be – allowing him to finally heal and grow through the suffering.
“I was finally able to forgive myself, and remember who I am.”
Now over two years sober, Shane serves as the Director of Alumni Relations for Warriors Heart. Guiding graduates of the programs to help find their purpose, and why after treatment.
“I just want to help other people – I don’t want someone to undergo the same version of family that I had created. I want people to know, that it does get better, it does get easier.”
If you or a warrior need help with addiction, PTS or co-occurring issues, please contact Warriors Heart’s 24-hour hotline (888-440-7107) answered by warriors and/or visit https://warriorsheart.com.
Call 24/7 @ 1 844-958-1183 or visit the link below.
https://www.warriorsheart.com/contact-us/
