By Dr. Rick Boone
Clinical Director, Warriors Heart
As the constantly-evolving news of the Covid-19 pandemic sweeps across the nation and covers our world with apprehension and conflicting points of view, we at Warriors Heart are taking a thoughtful, balanced approach in an effort to protect ourselves and our clients from careless exposure to illness while keeping open our doors to suffering Warriors who, without our continued help, might experience problems far worse than the coronavirus.
As I write these words, Warriors Heart has instituted daily health checks for staff, careful health screenings for all prospective clients, and additional housekeeping and personal hygiene routines. All of these practices certainly will enhance our safety by reducing the risk of infection, but what of the emotional toll taken by such a situation? What are the psychological costs of this unprecedented circumstance?
What do we do with the fearful, perhaps catastrophic, thoughts that plague our thoughts? How do we deal with the emotions of fear, anxiety, frustration, and sadness that inevitably are evoked when we are cast, without choice, into a sea of uncertainty? After all, by the time you read this article we could be either in a far more restricted environment with a growing scarcity of resources; or we might now be breathing a sigh of relief as the worst that Covid-19 could do already has occurred. In the meantime, some of us are experiencing apprehension and negative thoughts regarding our work, our families, and our future. With scoffers and conspiracists on the one hand and hoarders and survivalists on the other, what can those of us do who seek simply to maintain some balance in our lives with as little disruption as possible?
No matter what views you may have of the seriousness of the pandemic, there are things we can do, ways we can think, and self-care we can apply that will help us not just survive this situation but actually thrive as people who are resilient in the face of adversity; people who, when bad things happen, react not with panic and despair but with courage and thoughtfulness, with patience and a capacity to absorb whatever is thrown at us by a life that promises no particular outcome.
{The following ideas, which I think have considerable merit regardless of circumstances, have been adapted from an earlier article written by psychology professor, Jelena Kecmanovic, director of the D.C.-based Behavior Therapy Institute.}
As the poet Rilke once wrote, “feelings aren’t final.” Emotions tend to be fleeting. This is a good thing to keep in mind when feelings of anxiety or sadness or anger take hold. The point is to allow the feeling its moment: feel it, but do not succumb to it by behaving in an irrational or impulsive way. Acknowledging and identifying one’s emotions, being mindful of them, allows one to understand better what one is experiencing. It may even provide insight as to what you could do to improve your overall well-being. If you are flooded with a particular emotion, that feeling is telling you that something is amiss. Pay attention to it, and think through what you might do to settle it down, to move on from it, even to learn from it.
Some of the activities we have counted on for stress-reduction or simply leisure have been, at least temporarily, halted owing to restrictions on travel and the importance of so-called “social distancing.” However, there remain an abundance of possibilities for recreation and enrichment. There is considerable research into the importance of what I refer to as the “Twin Pillars” of satisfaction: competency and relationships. While we are trying to deal with interruptions in the latter, we could, if we are creative in our approach, enhance the former.
What skill is it that you’ve long wanted to develop for which you’ve just never found the time? Is there a musical instrument sitting in a corner waiting to be played? Is there an art or a craft you’ve been wanting to try your hand at? Perhaps there is a new area of learning (e.g., everything from cooking to quantum physics) that you might now have an opportunity to pursue. You might even have some ideas for family time: learning together, teaching your children, listening to stories, playing board games, eating meals together. In many of these possible new routines, the internet is your friend. Google it. Look it up on YouTube. You’ll find it somewhere, and before you know it, you will have a richer life than you had before.
While similar to the above section on routines, self-care refers to those activities and ways of thinking that promote a sense of well-being and self-efficacy. In turbulent, trying times, it is more important than ever not to abandon the idea that without first putting on your own air mask, you won’t be able long to help others put on theirs.
According to Kecmanovic, “Studies show that people who go through very difficult life experiences can emerge from it with a stronger sense of psychological resilience, rekindled relationships, and a renewed appreciation of life. Some describe starting to live more fully and purposefully. With care and planning, we, too, can stay psychologically strong during the pandemic and perhaps even grow from this transformative experience.”
Here, I think, we might take a page from the AA Big Book. There is no genuine self-care without the care of a power greater than ourselves who can do things for us we could not do alone. We may be going through a time of physical crisis, but we remain spiritual beings whose welfare requires a connection to our Creator. Let the God of your understanding in on how you are and what you need. I suspect your God is waiting to hear from you.
We, also, are relational beings. And who we spend time and interact with will influence our thoughts, moods, and actions. Surround yourself, if you can, by those who are positive and hopeful, who think beyond themselves and the struggles of the moment; join with those who have a “big picture” perspective and a belief that they are the masters of their welfare. These are the sort of people from whom the rest of us may draw inspiration and insight.
Prayer, meditation, contemplative thinking about self, relationships, and one’s place in the world: one’s meaning and purpose, and reflection on one’s goals and values can have immense benefits, not simply for the current time but for the rest of one’s life. Take time in the morning to reflect on your “gratitude list,” the 3 to 5 things for which, on this morning, you are most grateful. And live within the gratitude you feel. Behave with gratitude for your life. Later, in the evening as you go to bed, remind yourself of what you’ve accomplished and what remains to be done. Thank the God of all life for the life you have; the life that allows you to do all the good things you do.
Finally, simply reframing our present challenges into opportunities for growth and the development of psychological resilience can make a difference in the way we think about events and, more significantly, how we live in and through them. The Stoics, ancient philosophers who might now be considered Cognitive Behaviorists, tell us, “Amor fati,” love your life. Whatever troubles come, whatever challenges await, whatever disappointments or losses occur, those things make up the life you have. There is no other. You can complain all you want, and we all will complain at least occasionally; but we cannot unmake the life we have. Far better to live it mindfully, with courage, generosity, and good cheer.
Here is a sobering thought: A virus more deadly than Covid-19 is the one that poisons the mind and darkens the soul. In these times of apprehension and uncertainty, it is tempting to give in to our negative ways of feeling and thinking, to surrender to fear and desperate acts. But we must remember that, as one of our Leaders recently stated, “We are Warriors not victims.” We will prevail. We will confront the brutal facts of our current scary circumstances (and some of them actually might not be scary) and never, ever give up hope.
We have a choice to sink or swim, to lose our shit or find the better angels of our nature.
Which choice will you make?